So yes, I still call myself a girl at times. And weird. And a writer. The truth is that I truly feel like I’m 16 much of the time. Not a confused and lonely 16, even though if you went to high school with me you probably didn’t invite me to your “popular crowd” party back in the day, but “a world is my oyster” 16, a “walkin on sunshine” and a “glass way more than half full” 16. A 16 filled with hope and promise.
Not in the early morning time when my L-4 and L-5 and C-4 and C-5 have somehow agreed during a late night summit to grind together and all my muscles have simultaneously tensed in shock at the rudeness of it all. No, certainly not then, or after wearing some “obligated to look professional” heels all day, or “hoochie mama sexy” heels all night, but still, much of the time. Especially when hubs looks at me with that mischievous smile or says something that makes me laugh like a lunatic with no self control. Those are the best times, the Beluga caviar times, the “I’ll have the lobster AND the beluga caviar” times, when there’s just nothin but blue sky between me and and all the joy I’m destined to feel.
It took me 45 years and lots of missteps to be able to smile at the mirror and open myself up to the fact that I am deserving of joy and of the man that brings more of that to me. The man that doesn’t take more than he gives and makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world, to have found the one whose piece of the puzzle fits with mine. The one that sees both inside me and my “ugly cry face” and doesn’t run away. The one who yes, still calls me weird girl, but does so with the greatest of love and respect.
This is just my weird writer girl tribute to him. And my weird writer girl message to you all. Don’t you ever give up on yourself. You have a niche and were meant to find it. And don’t give in and try to be something you’re not. Be you, be your own brand of wonderful weird, be beYOUtiful in the way that only you can! You were meant for joy and love. The two are meant to come together. Don’t ever settle. Go look in the mirror and smile!
Peace and Love