Writing Myself Alive Course – with Tyler Knott Gregson and Andrea Balt- A narrative from my life

In the weeds- “Pick up your damn food Carol! ” “I’m getting it! ” “Well get it faster! ” “How about if I get out the back door really fast?”, I smack back, eyes moistening, no tears,no tears, as the chances of floating like a dead girl in a sea of salt become more desirable than being chastised on what is presently unfolding as the longest in the weeds night ever. You’re stronger than that, my inner voice whispers as my louder outer voice warns” behind you”. And back on stage I am, a Zen graceful, well articulating girl introvert in a fine, finer, finest dining boys club. A long way from my first stint in a tourista cafe,dropping a whole table’s tray, piled too high, years ago, before finding the sweet spot of balancing a tray of 10 capped dinner plates on my shoulder. At least that learning experience was in ” OuterSiberia “, the part of the dining room assigned to new servers and designed to test wherewithal and patience with the regretful for even trying to pretend they don’t have willful toddlers and/or screaming babies. All of them cordoned off there in an attempt to maintain a certain decorum.
12:30 am, and the clink of glasses and silverware softens as a night “not to remember” is matched up with sales totals.
” You know we’ll help you if you just ask!” Don’t let yourself get that far gone again, my head hears him say as the fault lines in my heart rub each other the wrong way and I become a tearful mess. Not how this fiercely independent girl wants to be featured on the rewind. “Hey, what’s going on with you? Don’t be dripping on the fresh napkins now”, is Chef Dick for personality’s attempt at levity, which wasn’t a total failure, as a surprising laugh combines with semi snorts and I seek composure. “Seriously, you gotta ask for help,which apparently is a new concept for you. No shame in that! Ask any of these guys, and they’ll pick up the slack for you.”
My turn to check out, money counted, $163, minus 20% , $32 for bussers. Not bad for a Wednesday night I tell myself.
Fast forward 23 years and my stubborn self is still struggling with the privately imagined stigma of being seen as ” weak”.

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One Response to Writing Myself Alive Course – with Tyler Knott Gregson and Andrea Balt- A narrative from my life

  1. Dad says:

    I think you have (got it), wonderful news

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