Holes In A Heart


So apparently having a hole in your heart is really not such a big deal!  I learned that today, after my handsome, Peruvian, with a sweetie pie of a personality, cardiologist and his talented and oh-so-on-top-of-her-game at 71-year-old nurse, sent me to La La Land and back, and announced to my oh-so-oblivious to the fact that they had just jammed a scope down my esophagus to look at my heart self ,that yes indeed, I had a PFO.   Patent Foramen Ovale- a valve that is supposed to close after birth, but sometimes doesn’t, for reasons unknown.  Most people never even know, and others like me find out when the docs start saying things like, that tingling in your face-yeah- that’s not normal, MRI, you have some “spots” on your brain, could be from the 40 years of monster migraines, could be mini strokes.  Let’s take a look.  Well the good news is, we live in the 21st century, where they can stick a catheter up through my groin, follow the venous highway, and insert a little device called an occluder in the broken heart spot, and bingo-bango-my broken heart will be healed!  To those former lovers that have been accused of taking a little piece of my heart , it’s your lucky day, you’re officially off the hook!  I can no longer in good conscience let you take the blame for the hole I’ve felt in my heart.  Or can I ?  Question of the day- Is a broken heart ever really healed?  As in restored to its original condition?  I would argue not.  Because our hearts aren’t just mechanical, electrical, physical pumps.  We have heart or we are heartless, we follow our hearts, we hear heartsongs, our hearts ache, our hearts are full, our hearts overflow, our hearts swell, our hearts bleed, others pull at our heartstrings, we live in the heartland, our hearts are happy, our hearts hurt, our hearts are filled, our hearts are empty, our hearts are joyous,  our hearts are cold, we have hearts of gold.  Our actions are heartfelt, our hearts are heavy, we lose heart, our hearts are lightened, our hearts bleed, our hearts unite.  We need a different kind of doc to talk this kind of talk.  For it is my belief that our hearts retain the fingerprints of all those who’ve touched our lives, who’ve ever laid a finger on our souls.  Each of our hearts is as unique as our fingerprints.  The friction ridges on our phalanges are our epidermal imprint, what the ink pad reveals as us.  But inside, well there’s that mass of circuits, valves, muscles, and nodes that pumps our lifeblood, that feeds not only every cell in our physical bodies but our spiritual souls as we know them.   The energy from the outside permeates the inside, the ions cross over, the positive and the negative, the love and the hate, and there we are, who we are, our hearts, become our fingerprint, we place upon the world.

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