One More Light

So many who were touched by his music, now mourn the fact that Chester Bennington’s name was recently added to the tragic list of famous people who took their own lives through suicide. I was shocked to read that there are an average of 121 suicides PER DAY just in the United States each year! When a cultural star does this, the subject of depression becomes front page news and while many of us think money or fame could be cures for our sadnesses, we’re obviously all dead wrong.  

I’m not a doctor or clinician and therefore have no business arguing the causes or treatments of clinical depression, but I do know that millions of us have been or are currently affected by it and/or the suicide of someone we’ve known and/or loved. Millions of us are left wondering why. Why we feel this way. Why despair sometimes wins out over hope.

The 2017 Netflix series “13 Reasons Why” has received a tremendous amount of critical acclaim. Fearful of the act of suicide being glamorized, educators have been warned to monitor middle and high school conversations they came upon and to be aware of student attitudes regarding the show. Having just watched the series myself, I see it as conveying a highly powerful anti-bullying and empathy message. Our words and actions have consequences. As our society becomes more attached to technological devices and less attached to each other personally, I believe we need to be reminded of that, again and again. “13 Reasons Why” highlights issues that affect today’s youth and lays the groundwork for immensely important parent/child discussions.

Learning of Chester Bennington’s suicide and watching the series “13 Reasons Why” last week, reminded me of this poem I wrote about a dear friend lost to suicide. I’m sharing it with you in hopes that it may be of benefit. We may never know the answer to someone’s why. The only thing we can control is the way we think about depression, our own and that of others. May we seek help and encourage others to do so as well. May we view it as we view any other condition/disease. And lastly, but most importantly, may we all be a little kinder, a little softer, more willing to just be there and listen, for we know not the silent battles others face or why they feel the need to turn off their light.

Peace and Love

******************************************************************************

For Tim

I live in a land of orange groves

and so did you.


I wish I’d known

the exact moment that the acidic taste of your despair 

became corrosive

as it started to eat away 

at the man you once were,

strangled your voice,

kept you from calling out.

I wish I’d known

the exact moment that the acrid smell of your despair 

congested your nostrils and poisoned your lungs,

clouding all of your senses,

depriving you of the oxygen of love.

I wish I’d known 

the exact moment that the blackness of your despair

turned each day’s sky to onyx darkness,

insuring that you’d lose your way.

I wish I’d known 

the exact moment that the howling of your despair

deafened you to joyful noise,

like your angelic granddaughter’s voice.

I wish I’d known

the exact moment that the grit of your despair 

rubbed your soul so raw

and left you bleeding all alone.

I wish I’d known

the exact moment you planned that final drive 

to an orange grove

where the cold steel explosion of a handgun 

and not the warm hands of those that loved you 

would be the last sensation you’d ever feel.

I wish that you would emerge from each grove I pass,

crooked smile, pirate eyes,

arms laden with fruit.

I wish you’d known

how much I wished I knew.

How I would have gotten there before those moments

and fought for you.

CRR

 3-3-15

NOLA

On a recent trip to New Orleans I was struck by the abiding sense of recovery. 12 years after Hurricane Katrina, so much is still left undone, yet hope and the spirits of those who love their city will not stay beaten down. 

Here’s to NOLA and those that love her.

Peace and Love

From Darkness To Light

“Against all odds, a seed rises from darkness and beautifies the universe.” ― Matshona Dhliwayo

Look around our world and you’ll see the forces of life persisting and even thriving in some of the least logical or hospitable places. Like seeds buried in the dark womb of our Mother Earth, the majority of plant, animal and human life forms only exist by reaching for and finding light. Doing so is programmed into our cell memories as is evidenced from the moment we each decide to vacate the warmth and darkness of our mother’s womb, an act which miraculously illustrates the meaning of “out of darkness comes light”. One cannot be understood without the other, yet we rarely associate the beauty of life with the darkness of death. The truth is that much of life is rooted in death. Leaves fall and decompose, leaving behind organic matter that will nourish the soil from which new life will arise. Forests are purposely scorched using controlled burns to replenish nitrogen in depleted soil. Scavenger animals obtain their energy from the dead /decaying bodies of other animals.  Seeds and spores are carried by wind and emerge as proof of life in some of our planet’s most unlikely places, like the mausoleum above. Animals and humans often survive against all odds in the figuratively darkest of places and in spite of people around them in whom the light has dimmed or died. So what’s my point? The brave Anne Frank is remembered as saying “Where there’s hope there’s life,” and the ancient Roman orater Marcus Tullius Cicero stated,”Where there is life there is hope.” The photos above bear witness to both.

Peace and Love

Her Story

Tomorrow will mark 6 years of missing her unconditional love.

This Pedestrian Life

Her story ended 5 years ago tomorrow. Or did it?

I can still smell it, the aroma of it, in a Sunday pot roast slow cooking on my counter and also in the domestic union of fabric meeting hot metal as I iron a favorite linen shirt.

I can still feel it, the warmth of it, in a quilt the colors of spring, lovingly sewn by arthritic hands and also in the sunshine- like memories that my heart recalls.

I can still hear it, the playlist of it, when once youthfully ignored lessons emerge in my own mother voice and also in the beckoning ocean as she welcomes me home.

I can still taste it, the flavor of it, sliding from spoon to throat, as I spread Virginia apple butter on a sandwich of cheesy grilled comfort and also in the salty air that tingles my tongue.

I can still…

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Life is Like This

Life is like this.

Unfamiliar paths, 

yet deep roots, 

unrecognizable 

at times.

Curvatures, branches 

representing the 

paths we tread

that bend 

and entwine. 

We follow, 

we lead, 

we offer shelter,

hear answers in 

canopies of 

near silence, 

cicadas, strangers

and song birds 

call to us in questions 

as travelers and 

trespassers alike.

In the end 

and despite

all naysayers, 

we are one.

CRR 

6-30-17

 

Because I Know You Want To Hear About My Closet

Today I finished my 2 day “closet review ” project. To say I’m slightly embarrassed about the number of items I took out and the number of items I still have would be an understatement. First world problems like that need a new category, a new name, because the word ” problem” is so subjective and to even classify it as such causes me shame. 
Anyway, I used the recommended 3 question test after trying each item on:

Is is worn or damaged? 

Does it fit? 

Does it make me FEEL GREAT? 

No to any one of those got it tossed into the trash bag, rag box or donation bin. Let me start by saying there were QUITE A FEW, “doesn’t fit” items. Many more than last year. Hell, even more than last month! Don’t curse me. I know I’ve been lucky! The first half century of my life I spent eating pretty much what I wanted and still had the body I wanted. The second half century unfortunately has not followed that same plan. But who can I contact to complain? If you find that person or deity’s number, please let me know and I’ll send my complaints to them since I have so much extra time while I’m not exercising. 

Meanwhile, what struck me as quite curious was that the colors that others say are most flattering on me are those not well represented in my closet. I have a strong trio of black, white and gray, yet only a smattering, just a few pieces of my absolute favorite color, purple. You may not have ever noticed, but check it out, the lack of purple clothes in stores is a thing! I get the most compliments when I wear greens and blues, yet I have smaller numbers of those as well and wonder why? Black is a slimming universal match and I won’t give that up, but for the sake of my own mental health and well being I think I need to go on a shopping with intention-specific color hunt and add some feel great purples, greens and blues to my wardrobe. I’d advise a closet review and the same for you. Take a look at how you wrap your soul each day and be sure it makes you happy. That should be what dressing for success really looks like! 
Peace and Love

Lupine Sky

What No Longer Fits

In Memory of The Pulse Nightclub Victims

A repost from 1 year ago.*

This poem was inspired by the recent Pulse Nightclub tragedy in Orlando, Florida, a town I grew up in and live near today. Like millions of others around the world I have so many emotions about the event. I felt compelled to write about it and started several different essays, eventually tearing each one up, feeling my words could never say enough to do justice to the 49 beautiful souls gunned down by hate. Days passed and then while sitting in my home office listening to the pulsing water as it hit my roof on a rainy afternoon, these words arrived. May they be of benefit. May they be heard. May we be love and do love.

Peace and Love

Tasting June